Thursday, June 19, 2014

Censored Shakespeare

Fellow tweeter just noticed that old films are being censored:



Not only are old films, but modern adaptations from 19th C novels are also censored. PBS censored the British made-for-TV film "Making of a Lady" by deleting scenes with naked bottoms, according to disappointed soft porn fans on the imdb chat board Of course, you can't make everybody happy, and there's not enough censorship of naked British bottoms according to satirical Stalinists on The People's Cube who complained about "Masterpiece Porno Theater".

However, ThisTV  not only is forbidden from showing naked bottoms, they can't even speak of their synonymous euphemisms.

With such stringent censorship rules, it seems odd ThisTV chose to air Shakespeare's "Midsummer's Night Dream" since the play's cast includes a character named Bottom who is puntastically turned into a donkey.


First off, saying H-E - Double Hockey Stick is OK

ACT I

SCENE I. Athens. The palace of THESEUS.


HERMIA
O hell! to choose love by another's eyes.

video

However, ThisTV censors actual cuss word for "darn it" euphemism. So, you can tell people where to go [Hades], just not how to get there.

ACT III

SCENE II. Another part of the wood.


PUCK
My fairy lord, this must be done with haste,
For night's swift dragons cut the clouds full fast,
And yonder shines Aurora's harbinger;
At whose approach, ghosts, wandering here and there,
Troop home to churchyards: damned spirits all,


video

Even more absurdly, ThisTV not only censors word for "darn it" but also its homonym for female progenitor

ACT V


SCENE I. Athens. The palace of THESEUS.


Lion


"Then know that I, one Snug the joiner, am
A lion-fell, nor else no lion's dam;"


video



Then ThisTV censors the synonym for donkey repeatedly over and over and over again....

ACT III

SCENE I. The wood. TITANIA lying asleep.


Puck:

My mistress with a monster is in love.
Near to her close and consecrated bower,
While she was in her dull and sleeping hour,
A crew of patches, rude mechanicals,
That work for bread upon Athenian stalls,
Were met together to rehearse a play
Intended for great Theseus' nuptial-day.
The shallowest thick-skin of that barren sort,
Who Pyramus presented, in their sport
Forsook his scene and enter'd in a brake
When I did him at this advantage take,
An ass's nole I fixed on his head.....


When in that moment, so it came to pass,
Titania waked and straightway loved an ass.



video


ACT IV

SCENE I. The same. LYSANDER, DEMETRIUS, HELENA, and HERMIA


BOTTOM
Nothing, good mounsieur, but to help Cavalery Cobweb
to scratch. I must to the barber's, monsieur; for
methinks I am marvellous hairy about the face; and I
am such a tender ass, if my hair do but tickle me,
I must scratch.


video

ACT IV

SCENE I. The same. LYSANDER, DEMETRIUS, HELENA, and HERMIA


TITANIA
My Oberon! what visions have I seen!
Methought I was enamour'd of an ass.


video

ACT IV

SCENE I. The same. LYSANDER, DEMETRIUS, HELENA, and HERMIA


BOTTOM
[Awaking] When my cue comes, call me, and I will
answer: my next is, 'Most fair Pyramus.' Heigh-ho!
Peter Quince! Flute, the bellows-mender! Snout,
the tinker! Starveling! God's my life, stolen
hence, and left me asleep! I have had a most rare
vision. I have had a dream, past the wit of man to
say what dream it was: man is but an ass, if he go
about to expound this dream.


video

ACT V

SCENE I. Athens. The palace of THESEUS.



THESEUS

I wonder if the lion be to speak.
DEMETRIUS
No wonder, my lord: one lion may, when many asses do.


video

ACT V


SCENE I. Athens. The palace of THESEUS.


THESEUS
With the help of a surgeon he might yet recover, and
prove an ass.


video


However, to get past censors, just use British slang term for posterior, "bum," instead of the donkey synonym, and All's Well that Ends Well:

ACT II

SCENE I. A wood near Athens.


PUCK
Thou speak'st aright;
I am that merry wanderer of the night.
I jest to Oberon and make him smile
When I a fat and bean-fed horse beguile,
Neighing in likeness of a filly foal:
And sometime lurk I in a gossip's bowl,
In very likeness of a roasted crab,
And when she drinks, against her lips I bob
And on her wither'd dewlap pour the ale.
The wisest aunt, telling the saddest tale,
Sometime for three-foot stool mistaketh me;
Then slip I from her bum, down topples she,
And 'tailor' cries, and falls into a cough;
And then the whole quire hold their hips and laugh,
And waxen in their mirth and neeze and swear
A merrier hour was never wasted there.
But, room, fairy! here comes Oberon.

video

Finally, a drunk donkey, from the incredibly ribald, and certainly uncensored, Pharamaterial Phantasy blog post "GIF-ing the Woodcut; Or, Early Modern Party Animals" :


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